so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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