I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
