I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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