she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
