your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm too high and old for this...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize