It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
