He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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