My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
