i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
