A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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