I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
