I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
