I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
