I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
