dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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