When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
