Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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