you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just high enough for therapy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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