Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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