Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
