when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
