CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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