Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
