it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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