Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
