dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
