i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
