Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
