Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
