A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
