can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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