if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
