And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
