It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
