If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
