After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
