I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
