Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
