She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
