I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
