Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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