Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
