Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
