i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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