Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
