Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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