Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
