I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
