yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
