i permit you to call me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
