Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
