okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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