im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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