yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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