it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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