Dual....:-)
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize