I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
