it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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