Can i not drive my cunt home
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
