i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
