I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
