does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it glows. i had to have it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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