Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize