I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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