My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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