forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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