shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
