yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
