In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
