the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
