By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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