you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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