dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Houston, we have a blender
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
