just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
