he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I could make wine with my vomit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
