I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
