So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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