my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
