It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Houston, we have a squirter
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize