she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
